It’s about anticipation, giving, gratitude, and togetherness. I hope you have lots of those things in your life. Merry Christmas.

This year is almost in the books. I’m very thankful for the remarkable business success and transforming personal growth I’ve experienced this year. I’ve reached milestone business and personal goals that a few years ago I thought might take a lifetime.

This leaves me asking “What next?” and that leads me to deep questions about why I do what I do. Being really honest with myself, why do I get out of bed every morning? What worthwhile thing motivates me to work hard, deal with unpleasant situations, and take frightening risks?

I wasn’t always aware of it, but almost every day of my adult life I got out of bed in the morning because I urgently needed something. I needed to believe that I was a competent person doing a good job on my work. I urgently and intensely focused ever fiber of my being on trying to make that come true.

I was good at it. I experienced a string of extraordinary successes in my work. I was genuinely grateful for every success, not feeling entitled to it at all. In spite of all the over-the-top results, I still needed to believe that I was a competent person doing a good job on my work, and deep down I still didn’t believe it. This gave me a compelling reason to get out of bed every morning.

This year tectonic plates have shifted in me. Through the influence of generous people investing their time into me, I have received what I needed. It took a lot and it took a long time. Now that I have it, I can see how much the pursuit of it has been the driving force of my daily life. Oddly as it sounds, it left me for a few weeks without a clear answer to why I should get out of bed in the morning. I was so used to spending my days chasing that need, I had never needed an alternate source of motivation. This limbo was surprisingly unsettling. I was afraid I’d lose my drive and passion without this need urging me forward.

It been a lot to think through, but it’s starting to come clear.

My new “why” is less urgent and more free. It involves time to take in and enjoy good things, time I didn’t think I could spare before. It involves less fear and more joy. It includes even more ambition than before, ambition to live all the way up to my potential and accomplish significant things. Perhaps most importantly, it’s about living deliberately to impact people like those generous people impacted me. Here’s to paying it forward.

Occasionally I sit with the other parents and watch my daughters’ gymnastics class. The first time I watched, I was taken aback by the uninhibited feedback from the lead coach to the students on the competitive team. The stream of comments from him sounded like this:

“If you’re not ready to go on your turn step aside. We didn’t come here to socialize, let’s work. Good Clara, nice feet. The first one was good, second one was all over the place. Susan, You’re not getting your shoulders over the bar. No, no, Beth. Ok, come down, go to the back of the line. If you’re not ready to do your best, don’t get on the bar. Next please. Legs, watch legs. Not bad, do that five more times. You’re throwing your head back, keep your chin tucked. Stop bending your arms – ladies – all three of you are bending your arms. That would score about a 4 in competition, it’s got to be better.”

I was uncomfortable watching and listening to him coach. I guess I was afraid he’d make a girl cry or they wouldn’t have the self-esteem to handle the feedback about what they were doing wrong.

As I’ve watched this from week to week, I’m starting to see a lot of good in it. The coach acknowledges something done well, but his standards are high. He doesn’t sugar coat the negative feedback, maybe because there’s just not time. Each girl who gets on the bar needs to know quickly and simply what to improve on the next try. Reality is their friend, it’s their only way to improve. He is a constant and immediate mirror of reality to them. I can also see how it strengthens them for the toughness of competition, because they don’t practice in an A-for-effort world. “Failure” is normal and constant.

I contrast this to some companies, where low performing employees might be stalled for years, and nobody has the guts to tell that person exactly why they are not advancing. Where negative feedback is a big scary deal for both manager and employee, because it’s not part of the regular routine.

I believe every employee deserves to know specifically what standards they are expected to meet, and how they are currently performing relative to those standards. I wonder what would happen if we did that gymnastics-coach style.

The all-time most-read post on this blog is about constrained resources. Upon noticing this, I re-read it to see what the big deal is. Check it out, you might find it relevant to whatever’s frustrating you lately.

When I say “success” on this blog, I wonder if anyone misunderstands my meaning. This is my big chance to clarify…

From dictionary.com….

Definition 1: the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors.

This is the meaning I have in mind — achieving the goal you set out to achieve.

Definition 2: the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like.

Not the idea I’m going for. So when I say that deliberate action focused in a consistent direction over time is perhaps the single biggest key to success, I mean it’s key to reaching your goals, not that it will lead to wealth, position, honors, and the like.

In fact, if your goal is to sacrifice your life serving the poor, deliberate action focused in a consistent direction over time will bring you success in that goal, and bring you the opposite of “definition 2” success.

It’s up to you to choose attempts or endeavors that are worthwhile, and not foolish, selfish, or harmful. Whether or not success is “a good thing” depends on whether or not your goals were worthwhile in the first place.

If you read my other posts and start imagining a mansion on the beach with little margarita-umbrella-things, well, I tried.